The population of this planet is getting out of hand. The Illuminati are falling down on the job. They're supposed to plot and carry out mass acts of population control. I am not impressed by their accomplishments. I think they could use my advice.
It's time for me to do my humble part. I hereby announce my intention to reinstate Survival of the Fittest. "I thought survival of the fittest was part of nature. When did it stop?" you may ask. Let's face it, people in developed nations these days have to try pretty hard to not survive. If you're American then you may want to look at statistics regarding what kills people like you. Chances are you will eat, drink or smoke yourself to death. That is if you don't get killed while speeding with no seat belt on or get mauled to death by the ferocious guard dog you trained to protect your big screen TV. In other words, people seem to be actively avoiding dying of old age.
The first step in my plan is to remove that seemingly innocuous recorded message you get when you call any doctor's office these days. It's the first thing you hear upon dialing to schedule your flu shot or yearly checkup.
"If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 911."
Really? You mean if I'm vomiting blood I shouldn't call my chiropractor for advice on what to do? This recorded message may seem to be offering helpful information, but really it's keeping stupid people alive.
I have to call at least one doctor's office every day at work. I usually call to make sure they have the correct insurance information or that the amount on the bill is correct. And every time I hear that same message. It's always a different woman, but she always sounds like she would completely understand if you chose to call your radiologist instead of 911 when having a heart attack. She's simply trying to tell you that you may want to rethink that plan.
I'm sorry (I'm really not sorry, I'm just saying that), but if you're too dumb to figure that one out, please send me your name and address so I can forward it to the Illuminati. They have quotas to meet, you know.
That automated message always make me giggle when I call the doctor. I have the opposite problem, though. Ever since this H1N1 craziness has been going on, everytime I sneeze more than once in a minute, I want to go straight to the hospital. My boyfriend has to take the phone away from em so I won't call 911. I guess, in my case, it's more about survival of the hypochondriacs.
ReplyDeleteSandy, you're adorable.
ReplyDelete