Fishies

I've only been away from home a few hours, but I guess I miss my fish. I added virtual fish to my blog. Visit them on the right hand side of the page. Click on their pond to feed them.

The fish in the picture in this post are a couple of platys who didn't make it and the shiny oblong object to the right of the plant is Toughy, the little gold tetra who can't be killed.

The only one on my block

While spending the evening with my parents in Pinehurst, I received a very exciting gift. My bedroom down here is nautically themed and filled with books, paintings and knick-knacks relating to whaling, pirates, sailing and sea life.

Each time I stay here I usually find a few new books or little items my parents have picked up for my collection. This time, my dad presented me with several excellent items. In addition to a ship's model and glass decanter from the New Bedford Whaling Company, I got a blubber hook that was supposedly actually used on board an old-fashioned whaling ship. I cannot tell you how much that excites me.

Herman Melville is one of my favorite authors (as you will notice in the title of my blog) and I love anything to do with the era of New England whaling. I told my parents that if it wasn't so dangerous, I'd sleep next to my blubber hook. I couldn't find a good picture online, but it looks like the thing the murderer runs around with in I Know What You Did Last Summer.

I figure I'm one of the few girls my age who gets excited by whaling memorabilia and the only kid on my block with a blubber hook.

Vegetarians don't know it's not bacon

Last night I went grocery shopping and scoured the faux meat section for something that would taste enough like meat to satisfy me. I picked out Morning Star Farms bacon and Buffalo wings.

Will and I were cooking dinner together later and I held up a strip of neon pink and white "bacon" for him to smell.

"Ooh," he said. "I want to try some." This comes from a boy who has never eaten bacon in his life. He hates the smell of real bacon, but something about this stuff appealed to him. To me, it smells like dog treats.

I microwaved the things for a minute and a half and then nibbled on the edge of one. It tasted about the way it smelled. And let me reiterate; it smelled like a dog treat. I broke off a small piece and gave it to Will. He was not impressed and I assured him that real bacon does not taste like that.

I ate one of my three pieces and then continued helping him cook. But after putting water on the stove to boil, I found myself picking up a second piece and gobbling it down rather than prepping our nachos. Will turned to me and asked if I could slice up the peppers.

"I can't," I said. "I'm cooking."
"It looks like you're eating "bacon".
"I am, but I'm not done making the Helper (our name for Hamburger Helper sans hamburger) yet."
"Why are you eating that so quickly?"
"It's addictive. I can't stop."

I've yet to find a meat replacement that actually tastes like the food it claims to be, but these bizarre soy amalgamations can be strangely tasty in their own right.

On Easter morning I plan to treat myself to some sausage and bacon that don't come from the veggie section of the frozen food aisle.

Lions of Tsavo

I just finished watching The Ghost and the Darkness with two of my best friends. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, although they might not have appreciated me gleefully telling them about the bloody true story behind the movie.


The two maneless male lions killed an estimated 135 people during their reign of terror in Tsavo. Their behavior was so aberrant that the railroad workers from whom their victims were culled considered them supernatural beings rather than animals.

Vlad the Legislator

Did you hear about the vampire who's running for President?

No, I'm not setting up a joke. It's actually happening. Well, he wants to run for president. His name is Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey and he wants to move from Florida to Washington, D.C . in order to become our first undead prez.

What better way for us to follow up the election of the first black president than with a man who thinks he is the direct descendant of Vlad the Impaler, the man on whom Dracula was based? Minority politicians are clearly on the upswing and I can only assume Jonathon is shrewd enough to see that.

Oh, and get this: he's going to be running as a Republican. Because drinking people's blood and opposing abortion go so well together.

Let me put this out there (for any of you who might not know this about me, and therefore, don't know me at all): I love vampires. I'm a huge fan of Anne Rice's vampire series and can spend hours watching old Bela Lugosi movies or re-reading my collections of vampire short stories. I've even read all the Twilight books, but don't tell anyone.

However, the thing about this story that intrigues me the most is not the fact that this guy is a vampire. Because, let's face it; he's just a crazy guy with long black hair who likes to date girls younger than his own teenage daughter. A catchy nickname and raven locks do not a vampire make.

No, the thing that's got me thinking is the fact that this may set off yet another war between Democrats and Republicans. This one will be over who can put the minorityest president in the White House.

Imagine the possibilities.

Just think about it: Democrat Barack Obama was elected as our nation's first black president. Amazingly historic! I don't agree with more than 10% of what he has to say, but I have to admit I'm proud of this country for looking beyond skin color when choosing a leader.

What if crazy vampire guy manages to get elected in 2012? It's highly unlikely, but you never know. Does that mean that the Democrats will have to come up with a candidate for the next election that will out minority a black man and a vampire? Maybe the president after that will be a gay midget named Carl.

It puts a smile on my face to imagine how far this search for the most shocking candidate could be taken.

Hmm

I've just discovered that Morgan Spurlock (of Super Size Me fame) has a TV show. Must investigate...

Didn't you get the memo?

I have perhaps been working in an office longer than is healthy.

Today I got very excited when I got to replace my printer with the office manager's old one. This involved me rearranging, to their best advantage, the personal items on my desk around the larger printer and humming happily.

Yes, please

I would very, very much like a hamburger.

I watched Super Size Me today and instead of turning me off meat or fast food, it just made me a little bit suspicious of this guy's research technique. I'd never watched the movie before and was less than impressed by the way he went about things. Not satisfied to prove that McDonald's is bad for you, he felt compelled to combine every stereotype about fat Americans. He ate nothing that didn't come from a McDonald's for 30 days and also stopped walking any more than strictly necessary and taking any kind of vitamins.

I seriously doubt that there is a significant portion of the population who does all these things. Many people take vitamins and many people eat at McDonald's, some more than others. Many of them are probably the same people, meaning that not everyone who eats fast food forgoes vitamins.

Morgan Spurlock (the director, writer and guinea pig for the film) says himself that the average person living in Manhattan, as he himself does, walks several miles a day. He also tells us that Manhattan has one of the densest populations of McDonald's of anywhere on earth. Clearly, some of the people who live there both eat at McDonald's and walk much more than the average American.

The premise is easily understandable: Morgan Spurlock ate nothing but McDonald's for a month to prove that doing so, combined with other unhealthy habits, will damage your health. But I can't imagine that the people who live that stupidly even care that it's bad for them.

I don't hate McDonald's or its evil plot to (heaven forbid) sell its food. Morgan Spurlock and his vegan chef girlfriend clearly do. The faces he makes while eating his first few fast food meals leave me in no doubt that he was not unbiased in his experiment. I'm no scientist, but it would make me feel better about his results if he hadn't gone into the project already believing that McDonald's is the devil.

I'm off now to eat my dinner: a pot pie from which I've removed all the meat.

Hints of Spring

Today I felt Spring in the air for the first time. It's warming up even though it snowed earlier this week. The sun seems brighter and the air is just plain nicer. But I do live in North Carolina, and I know it may be snowing again tomorrow or up to 85 degrees.

It's days like this when I sit in my office and look out at the bright day full of pine trees and cars zipping along and feel like I should be outside. I'm not even a big outdoors person, but the look of the day out there makes me feel wrong for sitting in a desk chair under climate control. This feeling will intensify in summer when the Southern heat ramps up and the pull of the humid air is almost irresistible.

There's something about warm weather and being indoors that feels wrong to me. It feels comfortable and cool, but also wrong. The South is wild and to sit with plate glass between you and the heat seems false and blasphemous. Magnolias curl toward the door, mocking you in the supposed safety of a man made structure as if they are one missed trimming away from coming inside.

Building civilization in the wilderness doesn't make the wilderness go away.

But I digress...

It's almost Spring!