Vegetarians don't know it's not bacon

Last night I went grocery shopping and scoured the faux meat section for something that would taste enough like meat to satisfy me. I picked out Morning Star Farms bacon and Buffalo wings.

Will and I were cooking dinner together later and I held up a strip of neon pink and white "bacon" for him to smell.

"Ooh," he said. "I want to try some." This comes from a boy who has never eaten bacon in his life. He hates the smell of real bacon, but something about this stuff appealed to him. To me, it smells like dog treats.

I microwaved the things for a minute and a half and then nibbled on the edge of one. It tasted about the way it smelled. And let me reiterate; it smelled like a dog treat. I broke off a small piece and gave it to Will. He was not impressed and I assured him that real bacon does not taste like that.

I ate one of my three pieces and then continued helping him cook. But after putting water on the stove to boil, I found myself picking up a second piece and gobbling it down rather than prepping our nachos. Will turned to me and asked if I could slice up the peppers.

"I can't," I said. "I'm cooking."
"It looks like you're eating "bacon".
"I am, but I'm not done making the Helper (our name for Hamburger Helper sans hamburger) yet."
"Why are you eating that so quickly?"
"It's addictive. I can't stop."

I've yet to find a meat replacement that actually tastes like the food it claims to be, but these bizarre soy amalgamations can be strangely tasty in their own right.

On Easter morning I plan to treat myself to some sausage and bacon that don't come from the veggie section of the frozen food aisle.